Lately I'm in a place where I'm trying to figure out what we're doing (the spouse, the child, the family). I want to know our next move. Mr. Husband was in grad' school, but that got interrupted right before our wedding (we even planned around his class schedule). This derailed our plans and Mr. Husband is still processing the whole thing and I stopped taking classes shortly before we met even though at the time I didn't realize I was "taking a break". He has been figuring out his next move, but we made an agreement when he started that we would switch off and that he would find a job after school was done, but sometimes plans don't work. So I'm here trying to help him work through what his next move will be and establish some kind of stability for my own sanity. It's been a longer process than I expected, but I feel as if I need to let him work it out before I move forward. He is ready to make good on the agreement though; it's my turn to finish school. I wonder though if I should try to start now or have everything in line to be in classes 2 years from now (the lady Bean will be on her way to turning 14 and possibly less bothered by my lack of free time). If that's the way to go though, what happens until then? Make art? Develop some skills? Take some new and different art classes? Craft the perfect home? Pay off the car? Become financial masters? These are all great ideas, right, but I tend to lack motivation unless I have something solid and defined to work toward.
There is my light bulb moment; currently I have great plans, but no solid motivation. I need something to work up to and create a time line against. I always traveled before Miss Bean arrived, but then things changed and i had to take about 10 years away from any serious travel. We've been working backing into being explorers though as a family and as a couple. I was super serious in my wedding vowels when I said I wanted to have adventures. I also explained to Mr.Husband prior to the wedding that if we were to marry we would have adventures in lieu of babies. I stand by it.
I believe that we are still learning how to be a family. It's only been 8 months (as of yesterday!). Perhaps we're still adjusting and figuring out what it is that we're supposed to do. For now my impulse is to enrich our lives and soak up experiences. I think I'm on a natural beauty kick because currently, I'm drawn to it (waterfalls!). I guess for now my answer is to become an adventurer - to get out into the world and see what happens, find where it takes us to. Maybe the answer is on a mountain?
|Columbia River Gorge|
|Bridal Veil Falls|
For now, Oregon will keep me motivated and in August, I will let you know if the Columbia River Gorge has any answers for me.
a more motivated B